Friday, July 21, 2017

Onward, summer.

I've been doing a lot of my posting on instagram lately because it is easy - but that is lazy because it really has no words... unless you count that a photo is worth 1000 words and then in that case, I am a novel writer.

Reese's last MRI was awesome. I consider awesome meaning that we are continuing her meds bc the MRI saw stability and a little bit of shrinkage (maybe). Awesome has different meanings as you go through a diagnosis, etc. Sometimes just being able to be status quo is definitely awesome.

This summer has flown by and we are already heading our way out of July soon. In June we went to Blue Skies in FL - which was like our lighthouse trips, more or less, but different. It was such a woooonnnderrrffullll time. EJ had to work and couldn't get out of it bc it was a go live week - so I asked samantha (and avery. and AJ. our BFFs from our colorado trip last year) to apply also and we traveled as one big family in the huge van :)

They always ask, when you're at these retreats, "why did you want to come here?" and I usually answer the same way - I spend my entire life really *not* around cancer parents. It isn't on purpose, per say, but I don't go out of my way to make friends that I regularly see that are cancer parents. I have a group of friends that "get it" without having to experience it. Maybe if we were younger or more immature or if my friends were less about wanting to learn things about reese -  I would need that, but I don't. My friends are such a blessing because they listen and just want to *know* and don't judge a dang situation or thing.


Once a year, I do enjoy the "ugh right?!" and the "no one understands that!" and the  "what protocols and chemo do you do?" and "i know! that is so frustrating!" with cancer parents. Even then, part of the time I feel as if we are the ones with a terrible start - the 6w stay, the surgeries, the DI and the hydro, the closest to "a few more days and she could have died". And that is countered with "only" having to take pills. She *only* has to have her port accessed once a month. She is almost 5 years further away from who she was before.

Also, I have a sort of exhaustion for saying that I am at a point where I feel like our every day is relatively normal. It isn't a jaded exhaustion - it may be more of a blessed sigh of relief sense of it. But I just feel almost guilty for being where we are today to where I just don't see a need in talking about it.

But the beach... the ocean... it is where our hearts want to live every second of the day. They asked if anyone wanted to be baptized in the ocean one of the days - and I knew aidan would say she wanted to. She had asked to at our church, but I knew it just wasn't time. In the ocean - that is where you remember where you said, in front of everyone, what you believe. They played on the sandbar with the big kid friends, they sat at the coastline and made sand castles. They napped on the beach covered in shady towels. I walk away from the beach as if it has renewed us, every time.

So far the rest of the summer has been at the pool, dance, and sleeping in. RMC still go to school on tues/thurs in the summer so I get to take the big kids out for nails or the movies or whatever on those days.

Our next adventure is a road trip west. Exploring with my family and friends is one of my top favorite things to do. Even in the moment when you think "why did I take 5 children to this?" the memories looking back only hold the magical times. I am blessed that is how my mind seems to sift things later. lol.

Well, onward to the rest of the summer. More rosy cheeks and tan lines. More pool hair and tangles. More laughing and crying for snacks. More us.

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